No Destination

穿上我最新的洋装心里也不快活。天蓝色公主大裙摆还不及语音后被单潮湿蔓延像旅行携带的世界地图面积广阔。卡刷不了，是不是意味着就算已经分手了也不能任性？我想干我想干的事，都还没走到尽头就已经葬花香消玉陨。等着我的是凉风里瑟瑟发抖无法保暖的腿。还有无穷无尽继续复习的所谓真心真意。往事一幕幕，伤心一幕幕。

Bullshitting is always my best friend, I akchnowledged. I dont know if I could believe what Edward said was from his logical mind and why did he bullshit to me. What i am really sure is, some beach is more than the word of sun of the beach and Edward is a lier. I thought he is smart enough. He was.

And i am now, totally broken. Into pieces.

Happy new year.  

有太多新鲜气味让我无力抗拒，它并不如我脑中描绘好的霸道，反多了几许柔软静谧。我也终于相信，这不仅仅是荷尔蒙催化的结果。而是诚实。

封神榜不会让我害怕到想哭。可是寂寞的黑暗却会。我怕被染黑的头发即使再短也会被嫌弃太厚密遮住我的眼睛看不清他干净温热的皮肤。我怕只有黑的夜会终止煽情的气味让我最终什么记忆都无法挽留。

Caprice does not belong to you, and this is your best quality, he said. He will never know how grateful I was, yesterday.

And I like his smell. His warmness. His polite goodbye.

这究竟算不算对自己的背叛。

一样的戏码，一如三年前的某个夜晚又要落幕。然则心情却没有更换发色容易。我说这次不是报复，不是为了解脱。而是需要。是想念。我不曾想过这份泯没的感情竟在大火后如春风吹绿重生。它应该是呆在角落干燥得早已死去的尘埃。

我竟早早的忘记它原来一直都在。又该怎样准备着。

Chike, this way to give English version under Chinese complains is from you. Three years ago I decided to give but failed. Today, will be realone with the mood of yearning for something that should have been there for a grown man and woman.

No regret.

And who is going to know?

In New York, they say you are always looking for a job, or a boyfriend or an apartment. so let's say you have two out of three and they are fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don't have to affect how we feel about all the things we do have?